Wedding Lessons

Me as Carmella backstage.

In my last three weeks in Tony n' Tina's Wedding, I was put on the schedule for 3 performances, out of 10.

I actually worked for all 10 of them.

People got sick and I had to fill in. Or they wanted time off and asked me to trade. Or they realized they were understaffed. And, in a couple of instances, the Assistant Stage Manager found ways to sneak me onto the schedule (because he's awesome).

In one of my final weeks, Dan Mega and my friend John got to come see the show. John seemed like he didn't want to be there, but Dan played along whenever one of the bridesmaids asked him to dance. It was just nice to have a couple more people see what I've been working so hard on for these last few months. I may not have played a major role, but it has been a major part of my life, and I like being able to share that with people I know.

I got to develop Farina further. And jinkies, she got tips! She got money every time she danced on the bar. Men LOVED her! I even got a couple of proposals as Farina.

I got to give Carmella a proper send off, playing her twice in my last week. It's really neat how much she grew as a character in those three months.

One night, Hot Cocoa even got propositioned by one of the groomsmen (Dominic -- generally he proposes to his girlfriend Donna, but she turned him down. He tried to end up with Sister Terry, but she walked out on him, too. So he turned to Hot Cocoa for some lovin'). I was Hot Cocoa in my final performance, and I think I had some of the best improv that I've had during the preshow. It was a lovely way to leave.

My good friend Dan (who had played the Black Staff character Vito, the boyfriend/ex of Hot Cocoa) finally got to go up as Dominic (the dumb groomsman) for my last couple of weeks. I was thrilled for him. I mean, it was bittersweet for me to watch, as he was getting to do what I'd wanted so badly to get a shot at... but still, I was happy.

I lived vicariously through him and Mel, who started playing Donna (Dominic's girlfriend, the attention whore bridesmaid) several weeks ago. If you'll remember, the three of us have been together since before we were hired. Watching them on their journeys has made mine feel a little more complete.

Me (as Farina) flirting with Mel (as Black Staff Sophie) in the women's dressing room.

I know that my situation was created out of circumstance. I know that if I hadn't put my notice in, I'd be playing Sister Terry right now. I know that. But it doesn't always make it easier to take.

Before you go up as a character, you have to watch roughly three performances (which I did). You have to write 9 pages worth of answers to various questions (which I did). And, lastly, you have to have a meeting with the director to talk about the ins and outs of the character to make sure that you have everything locked up, from blocking, to backstory, to motivation (which I did not... it usually happens the day you go up).

When Dan had his meeting, the director asked him how long he'd been on Black Staff. Dan said three months, and the director said, "Really? Wow! You guys really put in your time, didn't you?" He clearly had no idea that we'd been there that long. The director then said that Dan had been doing a great job as Black Staff, "And so has that girl who started with you. What's her name? Amanda?"

Yeah, that's right. He STILL doesn't know my name. But at least he knows I was working hard. That makes it a little less painful.

Later in the meeting, the director told Dan that the next character he'll be playing will be Tony, the groom. And then he said, "And if that girl who started with you were staying, she would've been Tina next."

*tear*

If only...

Someone told me a long time ago that when someone is in consideration for Tony or Tina, they have to stay on Black Staff longer so that they have time to really, fully absorb the show (those characters have more lines and set blocking than any of the others). So I guess that explains why Dan and I were stuck on Black Staff for three frickin' months. Oh well.

For the record, I think I would've made a great Tina. And it would've been SO MUCH FUN playing Tina against Dan! He and I have always had fun together in Black Staff. Heck, we hit it off the first time we met. He's one of my favorite people, and I know we would've made a great on-stage couple.

Dan and me... Wouldn't we have made a great Tony & Tina?

In the last three weeks, a total of 8 people (EIGHT!!!) have put in their notices at TnT. That number, for the record, includes the current Tina. Which means if I were staying, I'd most likely go up as Tina by the beginning of September.

It also means that the next round of people who audition will probably go up as characters in a matter of 2-3 weeks after being hired, simply because the show is going to be short-staffed.

Both of those things were painful to know.

I'm a big believer in the idea that "everything happens for a reason" (note the top of my sidebar). And I've been trying to come up with a reason for this. Why didn't I get to be a character? Why am I leaving RIGHT BEFORE I could've been Terry, and within a month of being Tina? Why can't I put a real character on my résumé?

Here are the reasons I've come up with thus far:

- Maybe I'm supposed to learn that hard work doesn't always pay off, especially in this business. Putting in your time doesn't mean you'll be recognized. The theatre is a cruel mistress.

- Maybe I have to learn that I need to do this for myself. I can't go into any theatre experience looking for validation from others. I can't expect the director to tell me I'm doing a great job. I can't expect the audience to be eating out of my hand. When I give 100%, I have to know that at least one person is satisfied, and that person has to be me.

- If I got into Tina, I might just stay here. I might end up feeling like I couldn't leave the security of this show. I might not move on to bigger, better things, and miss out on opportunities as a result. Maybe I'd even turn into a "lifer".

- Maybe this was to keep me humble. The character of Tina is a diva, and at least one of the people I've seen play her turned into one as a result. I have now worked for three months doing a job that felt more like labor than acting. I was, in many ways, a member of a costumed, choreographed stage crew. Playing the people on the bottom of the totem pole who get yelled at during the show AND after it? You can't possibly be a diva.

- Maybe it was to help me learn that being a part of the show has to be about teamwork and looking at the production as a whole. When you're Black Staff, you're never saying, "Look at me!"; you say, "Look at over there! Look at them! Look at that!" You have to realize that your role is small, and that there are more important and more interesting things for the audience to be paying attention to than you. That doesn't mean that you should slack off or give up. What it means is that you have to know how to give up focus. You have to know what your role is, and how to make the experience better for the audience. You can't be selfish and look for praise for yourself, because you're doing the production a disservice if you do.

- Maybe putting "Tony n' Tina's Wedding" on my résumé would be detrimental to my career, as my coworker once suggested. Maybe it's better to just leave it off entirely as opposed to proudly displaying Sister Terry. It's less upsetting to erase "Hot Cocoa" from my career history than it would've been with a real character.


So I guess there were reasons. Or maybe I'm just lying to myself and there is no good reason. I am, after all, rather adroit at convincing myself of things.

After the show, I went out to the bar with the cast one last time. I brought along my beloved game "Apples to Apples", and said whoever won would get to keep it. But I won the first game... So then I stayed out of the second game and just proceeded to get intoxi-tipsy. I got to see a couple of the other actors in the cast do their impressions of me (which all involved dancing and were pretty hilarious). I said goodbye to all my favorite people *waves to Carol*. It's weird to think that I may never see them again.

Me and my costumer buddy Carol.

Before the show, the four of us who were leaving last night were asked if we wanted to make little speeches. I didn't speak long, because I haven't been there long. I said that I'd never come into a running production before, and I had been worried that I'd feel like an outsider. The cast welcomed me with open arms and made me feel like part of their family. I'm grateful for that, and have enjoyed the last few months. Even though I wasn't a character, I know I gained a lot from it, not the least of which is a new circle of friends.


May you understand that things happen for a reason, and may you learn lessons from everything that happens.

~A~


P.S. Dan has decided that he is going to prevent me from going to the Sunshine State using "force... or through sexual temptation... whatever does the trick." Haha.


ETA:


Dan and me messing around during pre-show as Vito & Hot Cocoa