Comments on angelaboration: Unfriended

Maybe you can be friends with him one day, a LONG ...

2009-11-07T08:08:05.684-05:00

Maybe you can be friends with him one day, a LONG way down the road, (if that's what you really want after all this) but right now it's impossible. He loves you, and everything you say or do he will find a way to turn to his advantage. It's not your fault, it's just the way it is. The only way he'll stop acting like this is with time (and possibly a new girlfriend). Until then he is going to turn everything against you in hope that you see how much he cares and change your mind about him, even if that is impossible.

The difference between myself and others often see...

2009-11-05T01:09:40.980-05:00

The difference between myself and others often seems to be, at times, that I feel you can't get mad at someone if they never had any bad intentions to begin with. And I stand by that one in this case. You never meant to hurt him. He knows you well enough to know that. So I find his outrage sadly misdirected, and actually pretty mean-spirited.

I'm sorry if I sound harsh but this entire story i...

2009-11-04T02:04:01.225-05:00

I'm sorry if I sound harsh but this entire story is ridiculous. It's a damned Halloween costume for Christ's sake. I hate burning bridges but I feel it may be time for you to cut that filmmaker guy out. He is way to dramatic to waste anymore of your time on.

I'm with Jess. Its' Halloween costume! So sorry th...

2009-11-04T00:55:35.249-05:00

I'm with Jess. Its' Halloween costume! So sorry that he made you cry. :/

What a hilarious situation!

2009-11-03T23:44:46.376-05:00

What a hilarious situation!

This is bullshit. My 5 year old is more reasonable...

2009-11-03T20:57:13.714-05:00

This is bullshit. My 5 year old is more reasonable in the head than this asshole. Do not open anymore emails from him! You might as well stab yourself every time since it's pretty much the same result. Next you'll be getting emails about how mad he is that you shared the same air as someone he doesn't like.
You wouldn't let anyone treat your friends like this, why let him do it to you?

Ok, I was writing out a response and it was gettin...

2009-11-03T20:00:19.254-05:00

Ok, I was writing out a response and it was getting novel-y. So I'm writing you an email. Keep a lookout.

The thing is you can't be friends with all your ex...

2009-11-03T18:40:05.011-05:00

The thing is you can't be friends with all your exes. And definitely to make that friendship work you have to give him time to get over you and move on before you can have any sort of healthy friendship.

It sounds to me like he is using any excuse he can to talk to you and hurt you. I agree with everybody above that he is just being immature and completely overreacting.

Just don't beat yourself up about this!

Ridiculous. RIDICULOUS! I'm sure his world shook a...

2009-11-03T18:23:49.296-05:00

Ridiculous. RIDICULOUS! I'm sure his world shook and a piece of his soul shriveled when all of his extra-super important Facebook friends simultaneously pointed and laughed at the picture he posted. Never mind that his coworkers probably thought that it was an awesome costume.

Like the other commenters said, he is incredibly immature, and, if I might be so bold, not worth the time it takes to write an e-mail. He, after all, was the one who broke up with you. If this is his idea of "making it work," I shudder to think of his idea of "abusive asshole." Which is what he's being.

I think he's being ridiculous. Your costume idea w...

2009-11-03T13:39:05.666-05:00

I think he's being ridiculous. Your costume idea was meant to be funny--not romantic, and I don't understand how he doesn't get that. If he broke up with you, why is he being so weird? Don't stress yourself out over him--he needs to work out his own feelings.

Oh my sweet lord. Angela, honey, The Filmmaker is...

2009-11-03T12:24:04.767-05:00

Oh my sweet lord.

Angela, honey, The Filmmaker is going the route of my Architect and headed on a one-way trip to crazy town, making excuses and casting blame and making YOU feel terrible for NO REASON because you did NOTHING WRONG.

Take a vacation from this boy. You can worry about being his friend when he stops being a head case. Take care of YOU, don't stroke his ego because he wasn't creative enough to think of a costume.

Oh, honey. He's a douche. It doesn't matter what...

2009-11-03T11:59:16.544-05:00

Oh, honey. He's a douche. It doesn't matter what his side of the story is -- he's a douche. Stop trying to make him happy, because you never will. He's completely unrealistic, he's either unable or unwilling to communicate his feelings like an actual adult person, and he's probably getting off on the drama -- he wants you to fight with him, because as long as you're fighting with him you're paying attention to him, and he wants to tell you off, because he thinks you deserve to suffer for not doing or being exactly what he wanted. I know, because I've done the same thing to people -- and I know that people who are acting like this are never going to be satisfied by anything you do. What they want, and what they need to learn, is something way bigger than any one person can give. And you've already given him way more than he deserves. Don't give him any more.

He. Is. Crazy. I understand he's upset and took t...

2009-11-03T11:27:48.035-05:00

He. Is. Crazy.

I understand he's upset and took things way out of context. I understand that this seems to be the perfect storm of people actually taking your costume suggestion to heart.

But his responses. Crazy talk. You've done what you could. You've been more than polite...you've been generous to a fault. Time to walk away from this one.

Feel better soon. You're in my prayers.

everyone else seems to be saying things along the ...

2009-11-03T11:12:28.961-05:00

everyone else seems to be saying things along the lines i would, so i'll just say i concur. *hugs*

There's never a right and wrong in fights that are...

2009-11-03T07:49:47.385-05:00

There's never a right and wrong in fights that are so tangled in emotions. But did he overreact at pretty much every turn? Yes. Is it your fault? No.

He loves you desperately, as he said. He's trying to pick up the pieces. And now he knows that whatever he's been clinging to these last several weeks is not going to work out - it's in his head. And dealing with THAT is some horrible, frightening stuff. Yes, he almost certainly needs counseling (and there's no shame in that! We all do sometimes!).

So let him hate you, and let him unfriend you. It might seem childish, but that's just how some of us deal. He's clearly All-Or-Nothing, and that's unfortunate for you, as a person who wants to remain cordial. But some people just don't or can't. Maybe someday he'll come around, maybe he won't, but at least while he's off nursing his wounds he won't be pestering you to reconsider.

It sounds to me like he's angry and is going to ta...

2009-11-03T03:31:15.404-05:00

It sounds to me like he's angry and is going to take ANYTHING the wrong way right now. It doesn't make you a bad person and you're certainly not the villain here. Relationships break up; we've all had to accept that at some point or another and hopefully he will eventually too.

Although he's upsetting you, I think his behaviour is doing you a favour in a way. Because he's proving you made the right decision here.

Stay strong.

I'm going to keep it short and sweet and say that ...

2009-11-03T03:17:38.389-05:00

I'm going to keep it short and sweet and say that I think he needs some counseling.

I know it's easier said than done, but don't let him affect you that way. He is operating in some other realm that doesn't make any sense.

It's a HALLOWEEN COSTUME! He needs to get some perspective.

...And apparently a good one for him, as he is definitely not first-class in real life.

You didn't do anything wrong. You deserve so much better than that.

Angela, sweetie this is NOT your fault. Really. ...

2009-11-03T00:52:01.025-05:00

Angela, sweetie this is NOT your fault. Really.

First off- He INTERPRETED your idea on a Halloween costume to be some big huge magical thing that meant something so far from logical that it could only be dreamed up in the mind of a hopeful brokenhearted romantic or a 12 yr old girl. That was all IN HIS HEAD... and then was crushed and disappointed when the blatant reality of the situation smacked him in the face(book). We all have moments when we realize that we read a situation wrong and yes, it hurts like a bitch, but only a complete jerk blames the other person for it.

Secondly, a bit of advice--even if you are ready to be friends he very clearly is not. Although it totally sucks when the cooling off/separation period doesn't resolve in both parties at the same rate, it is the sympathetic and mature thing as the resolved one to work some tough love and cut him off until he is ready (and be prepared that that may never happen).

Honestly, the guy is sounding a bit immature right...

2009-11-02T23:43:34.012-05:00

Honestly, the guy is sounding a bit immature right now. He is overreacting big time.

But then again - it happens a lot after breakups. You're being very mature about it and deserve a pat on the back for it.

Hope you had a good Halloween! Keep on writing - I know you're busy with your other two blogs- but a part of me misses your more personal one.

Angela, I know I may not know anything much about ...

2009-11-02T23:24:31.546-05:00

Angela, I know I may not know anything much about your relationship but only based on what you write, here's what I can say :

1. He translated your casual advice too far, he shouldn't. If he wants to know something about how you feel to him now, why not asking u straight? Rather than assuming, out of halloween costume?

2. Sure I can see why he feels humiliated but you've apologized a lot and I think he's overreacted from the way his words keep hurting you. I don't know,Angela, I think grown men aren't supposed to do this. If you're hurt, it's not a reason to talk real bad to someone esp. When they explained like this. Being mad isn't a reason to hurt someone and say anything cruel in your head until you're satisfied. Is he always like this? I don't know. If he is, you're better off without him.

I'm sorry you've been crying a lot, I know you mean no harm. Please don't blame yourself so much..